Finding Patience in Raising A Strong-Willed Child

Our daughter has had a mind of her own since day one. She came into this world like a firecracker, and that's how she lives her little life. Whether its bathing, brushing her teeth, talking, walking, potty training (or lack thereof)...she does it or she doesn't. There doesn't seem to be an in between. #Lifewithatoddler, am I right?

Hello World! From the day that she arrived on this earth, our daughter has had a mind of her own. She came three weeks early...but has been late to everything else in her life.

For 9 whole months, we tried to get her to sleep in her own crib. But until it was her idea, she fought us on it every step of the way. Walking? I swear that we had never seen her take a step...until one day when she thought we were not looking. My friend and I saw her take a couple of steps...but then she refused to acknowledge what we had seen. A few days later, we pretended as if we were going to leave her and she stood up and started walking. I know all kids are different and I have yet to meet another one who doesn't go with the flow as much as ours does. I joke that she will be president one day because of her strong will. Or a leader of some sort. She has her own way of doing things and we want to see her succeed.

She is the same as I was at her age: hard-headed, digging my heels in, speaking my opinion. I gave birth to myself.

Potty training has been the same but different. We've been working on her with it for over a year. Cut to last week where she decided that she was ready to pee on the potty and wear panties all day. *Insert face palm emoji* While she still has plenty of accidents, she is at least ready and willing to try...something we've fought her on for several months.

Toddlers are impatient creatures and it is hard to be patient with them in turn. There is a lot that they are still trying to figure out and sometimes I think that as parents we still expect them to act a certain way when they aren't programed to do so yet. Does she drive me up the wall with her personality? Yes. But she is the sweetest and is well-behaved for the most part. She has manners and she loves to be with us. What more could you ask for at this stage?

I have received a lot of flack for how we raise her. We are not whipped...we just want her to know that she can make some decisions on her own.

But outsiders, family and friends included, still like to point out that there are things we could be doing differently in order to receive a different outcome. I will not lie; some of the advice has been greatly appreciated. And we have had to learn how to take all of the advice and edit it to fit our lives. With that being said, we have learned over time that there are a few things our strong-willed child needs from us and other people in her life in order to feel secure. *Some of these are self-explanatory when raising well-adjusted children! Some of these also don't work for all children! And please bear with me if these seem redundant!*

1. Attention-For being basically an only child,she requires 100% of our attention...all or nothing. Right now she is sitting at my feet going through my bag of pens. When my husband is home, she is right there in his lap for the majority of the time. She calls me her best friend, and likewise, I call her mine. Between work, writing, and life, attention doesn't come easy though. And in today's world, full of electronics and screens, its really easy to lose sight of the attention we should be directing at our kids.

2. Structure-A friend told me, many moons ago, that kids need structure. So even in not going to school for the past several months, we have attempted to maintain some sort of structure. I give her a list of things we are going to be doing  that day and then remind her after every task where we are on the list: wake up, breakfast, bath, store, coffee shop, kids museum,lunch,etc. There are no surprises and less room for meltdowns.

3. Space

- She needs plenty of space to make her own decisions. If she wants to brush her own teeth, I have to try and let her. If she wants to get herself dressed, then we let her. Obviously, there are days where we pick for her. But allowing her the space to make her own decisions and mistakes has been a wonderful way to see her grow. She doesn't need us hovering over her waiting for her to fail. We are there when she needs us, but love watching her grow in her world.

4. Options

- This is a pretty controversial idea. Not everyone believes that children should be given options, choices in what they want to do or wear or eat. But it has saved us from plenty a terrible day. Want to go to the museum? What do you want to do today? Etc. Throwing in a couple of options lets them know that they can choose, that they are a part of their own little lives.

5. Patience

- Ahhhhhh....patience. Not all of us have it. And those of us who do seldom wield it for good. Why is it so hard to be patient with our kids? Our loved ones? Friends? Is it because we expect so much more out of those closest to us? It is difficult to remember that she is still developing mentally and that she is not going to understand what is happening the majority of the time...even if she is pretty smart for her age.

We may get a lot of flack for our style of parenting. But we have to do what works best for ourselves as parents. We give her plenty of room to grow and figure out the world around her with the knowledge that we are right behind her if she falls.

This is but a short list of things to take into consideration when raising a strong-willed child! What is some of your advice for raising well-adjusted yet strong willed kids?!